52 Week Song Cycle #32
High Strung (c) 2010 Mattroi Berger
Quite some years ago, I wrote a guitar part I named High Strung - named so for the tension I felt in the chords, as well as my day to day attitude at the time. I was not in the best of places, but the tune spoke to that, and I was pretty proud of it. I was in a band with a very talented vocalist and lyricist, and when he heard the song, he immediately provided it with an incredible, haunting melody and set of lyrics. We even played it out a few times.
The problem was this - the lyrics he wrote, though great, didn’t speak to what the song meant to me, or where I was coming from in that dark point in my life. I’ve always felt the therapy of music, and what ate at me was the fact that I hadn’t fully brought myself out of that dark place - I hadn’t finished the song I’d started and I hadn’t dealt with my issues.
The band broke up, and I walked around with High Strung in my back pocket for years. Any time I sat down to write new lyrics, though, the first melody - the melody that wasn’t mine - was all I could think of (it really was a good one). I couldn’t begin to contemplate new lyrics without a melody - even though I knew the concept of the song, knew the place I was coming from when writing, melody always comes first for me. It has to, I think. The song remained untouched until a week ago.
I don’t know if it was my new band project with Brandon Uranowitz, and the idea of writing for a voice other than my own, or faith in the abilities I’ve gained this year while writing a song a week, but I was able to force myself to sit down and work through the tune. I recorded the guitars and drums and listened to them again and again, humming out new parts, stitching those parts together. When I had something, I’d go back and compare it to the original song, and erase what was plagiarism. I did this for about 4 days.
When I finally had the melody, I sat down to write the lyrics. They came tumbling out in about an hour. Earlier this summer I talked about finishing a song for my girlfriend that took a year to write - High Strung took 5 years to write. Finally singing those lyrics, mixing the guitars and listening to the playback, I started crying just now (wuuuuss). Good song, bad song, ugly song, self-important song - whatever. I feel 100 lbs lighter, like a ghost is off my back. I finally finished this goddamn song.
Music and lyrics by Mattroi
***
I never paid a price
And, oh, the shame is far too great
To, blind, ignore the time
To find a fitter frame for faith.
And though these shallow words seem hollow,
Let them erase; I’ll find the strength tomorrow.
And if I only could.
And if you only knew;
I’ve faith alone to step out on my own.
High strung, I’m up again.
I never sleep – I see the light,
The weight of wasted time.
The coming night has yellow eyes.
And would I had the legs to stand in shadow,
To prove I had the strength to walk on my own.
And if I only could.
And if you only knew;
I’ve faith alone to walk out on my own.
A crowded street; extended wire;
A fallacy of dream’s desire -
Oh, would it were the stuff of everyday.
To find my footing, find my breath -
Resolved to take another step:
Heaven’s only just a step away.
And though these shallow words seem hollow
Let them erase, I’ll find the strength tomorrow
And if I only could.
And if you only knew;
I’ve faith alone to step out on my own.
